I'M BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKK!

I finally have Internet again! Today, when the Telus repair man came to my door, I asked him if working for Telus sucked as much as being their customer. He didn't answer for a while... then said "It can do". Got to admire someone who tells the truth. I said "At least you get to drive a cool van with a giant frog on it". (The last Telus fellow who came to my house late last year in Comox had to drive the "Pig" telus van. He explained to me that his co-workers told him that he looked like the pig. I didn't have the heart to tell him there was actually a slight resemblance. Poor fellow).

So now that have internet again I plan on writing every day like I was at first. I know that some of you get worried that the lack of updates could mean that I'm not feeling well... but I assure you I have been feeling quite "normal" - just busy... with little time to find a cafe where I can get online.

Thank you for all the comments you have been leaving. It's so nice to hear from you! I've tried to email a few of you personally, but while I'm away from a telus connection none of my emails from Outlook go through. (Don, I did email you back, not sure if you got it!).

A whole week has gone by again. Once again it was filled with answered prayers and steps into a deeper understanding of who God is. Let's fill you all in just a little bit...

First of all - let me introduce you to my new friend! This is Rowena Pesh.

She lives next door to me. She and her husband Ken are the ones who contacted my mom to see if I wanted to borrow their apartment. I thank them all the time for asking God to show them what to do with the place - as it has been a HUGE blessing. God knew just what we needed. I am happy to say that God has used our new friendship to heap even more blessings onto BOTH of us. I know that it was God's plan for us to be friends because she is the only other person I have bet who is also going through a huge trial - and PRAISING God all the way through it. I feel a little alone when I explain to people that I am overflowing with Joy 99% of the time. (Sometimes I think this could be harder on my family than it is on me!). However, last Tuesday evening God showed me a matching heart when Rowena opened her door and exclaimed "Bethany, I am having so much FUN in my CRISIS!" We spent the rest of the evening praising God and laughing and being HAPPY - just because God is THAT Good.

A week ago (last Monday... after I wrote my blog post) I had an appointment with my surgeon. His name is Dr. Pathak. He's very nice, and has a little one the same age as Ruth. He is both Caring and Conscientious (as Dr. Olivotto had said) and I felt comfortable with him. He explained the surgery in detail.

In a nut shell - it's not very pretty. In detail - A large incision will be made from below my ear, all the way around to the centre of my neck, and then up my chin and through my bottom lip. My face will then be peeled back and "hollowed out". They will be carving out a portion of my lower jaw, and in doing so I will loose 2 or 3 molars. They will take skin/flesh from my forearm and graft it back into the inside of my cheek - connecting all the blood vessels from the new flesh to my main artery. I will probably only have a small skin graft on the outside of my cheek, about the size of a golf ball or so. I will need a tracheotomy (where they put a hole in your throat to breath through) for about 2 weeks because there is a risk that the swelling in my mouth and throat will make it difficult to breath. I will be tube fed for a few days as well.

This mark (permanant! - thanks a lot! hehe) shows the "core" of the sarcoma. He took photos for his records.

I can't believe I sat through all that information without breaking down. Each time I felt fear creep in, I felt God's peace flow in and overcome it. I managed to ask a few important questions as well which brought me to a new understand of what I'm up against.

It's hard to explain what I'm about to say, but I'll do my best.

There is a small (very small) chance that the Radiation treatment that I am receiving will actually "cure" the cancer in my face. However, it is very hard to come up with statistics on this. This is because it is impossible to tell FOR SURE if the Cancer has been cured or not prior to surgery. A sarcoma tumour has all sorts of little tendrils coming off of it that randomly surround the mass. There is no way to test every single cell to see if it is free from cancer. Therefore, even if the cancer was GONE, either from Radiation or God's hand, no one on this planet could tell me so. From a doctor's perspective it would very, very unwise if I said "no" to surgery.

After having some time to ponder this I have come to a conclusion - one I feel is "spirit led". I am praying that the Lord will specifically tell me "NO" or "YES" to having the surgery. Please pray for this with me.

To suit the situation, being a matter of life and death, when God speaks it's going to have to be VERY clear. There are two camps when it comes to the opinions from my family and friends on this matter. My dad, for example, believes that God will heal me. He is afraid that I will have to go through surgery even through I don't actually need it. If I do NEED the surgery, both and father and I want to hear from God so that we can go down that road with confidence. Another example is Joe. Joe also believes that God can heal me, but he doesn't want to take any chances. If God does heal me, He will have to tell me, and Joe, VERY clearly that the surgery is not needed, so that we don't have to live with the fear that I could be dead in 6 to 12 months. I can understand Joe's views on this. The decision to not have the surgery will go against all the advice from the doctors and will probably stir up some heavy emotions in everyone involved with my treatment - and especially my family. However, It sure will be a testimony to the fact that we have a LIVING GOD.

I am prepared to have the surgery. I attended a support group at the beginning of the month and expressed to them the excitement I have that the scars I could bear on my face will bring me to a new understanding of how I value myself when I comes to "beauty". I have always felt strong opinions on how we women present ourselves, especially as Christians. To be "free" from these issues of vanity will be a blessing! If I do go through the surgery, I'd like God may use my experience to impact others on this issue.

Either way - I can be confident in knowing that God will do just as he needs to. Gosh - it's quite simple isn't it!?

The drives to Victoria have been really wonderful! Despite a few reckless drivers with road rage, it's been a time to relax and ponder and visit with friends! Last week Malea came with me twice. Here is another blessing coming out of this! I have been longing for this type of quality time with my dear friend. We've been friends a long time now :) Its so much fun to talk to her and see how much she has changed/stayed the same all at the same time! Good friends as always GOOD FRIENDS, it's hard to loose em' once you decide to love them so much. This week Vanessa has come over from Vancouver to spend the week with me. This morning we had a great time pondering the big things in life. We also had a YUMMY YUMMY breakfast** at ReBar with Sandi Rabey (our Pastor's wife from Courtenay!). I am looking forward to 4 more drives to Victoria with Vanessa. We plan on attending a show for two artists, Grant Leir and Nixi Barton, at West End Gallery tomorrow. Later we'll see the Titanic exhibit at the Museum and maybe take a walk on beautiful Dallas road. ("I am having SO MUCH FUN, in my CRISIS!")

**Who knew that corn bread, mashed yam, poached egg, some weird red sauce and wilted (on purpose!) lettuce could taste so good together!? Haven't eaten there yet? Go! or if you live far away... buy the cook book (and good luck finding the ingredients!).

Last weekend was really wonderful. The past two weekends have probably been two of the best we've ever had together. Joe, Ruth and I started Saturday by taking walks in the sunshine, attempting to fly our new kite, and visiting my dad (and Ken Pesh!) at the Duncan Home Show. Then we took off to Cowichan bay, ate homemade ice cream from the "Udder Guy", ate a bunch of fresh baked goodies from a organic bakery, and checked out a wooden boat museum. We felt like tourists on our own island! Sunday we went to Church and enjoyed an empowered sermon by the ever so passionate Lech Bekesza (it was great by the way!) then hopped on a ferry and visited Saltspring Island - known for the very wealthy and the very hippy. Ruth loved the park and the ferry. We loved just "hanging out". We finished off the grand weekend by going to Vanessa's parents house for some food and fun! Monte and Mary Ann Nordstrom are spectacular entertainers! We had a blast - especially Ruthie.

lots more photos here

My updates are quite LONG when I wait a week! Thankfully the updates to come from now on will be a little less involved - unless of course I have really amazing-jam-packed-with-fun-days - then I will write a lot :)

I leave you all with the WORD. This was cool to find. Silly me forgot to put the reference on it - sorry. It went on to say that those who experience suffering in their body tend to continue the rest of their life focusing on doing the will of God rather than pursuing selfish ambitions. I will never be perfect - but I do know that God is using this experience to help me know more clearly that life RIGHT NEXT TO HIM is far better than observing from a comfortable distance.